vayechi
parasha vayechi, Genesis chapters 47—50
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…and thoughts
Vayechi
and he lived…
Jacob lived in Egypt for 17 years. Jacob’s days, the years of his lifetime, 147 years.
Manasseh and Ephraim, Ephraim and Manasseh…
On Friday nights, after the Shabbat kiddush, parents bless their children. They place their hands on their daughters’ heads and say, “May you be like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah.” They place their hands on their sons’ heads and say, “May you be like Ephraim and Manasseh.”
So, we bless girls that they should be like our matriarchs, but we don’t wish our boys to be like our patriarchs. Instead, we want them to be like Joseph’s sons. Let’s explore.
Our matriarchs were deeply connected to the mystical realms, initiates in the secrets of the unseen universe.
Our patriarchs struggled with their relationships with God (they had to work harder to “get there”) and they struggled with their relationships with each other.
The tension between brothers was palpable from the beginning of creation. Consider Cain and Abel, Abraham and his pagan brothers, Ishmael and Isaac, Jacob and Esau. And the legendary strife among Jacob’s sons has brought us to where we are in our story.
But there was none of that strife between the sons of Joseph. On his deathbed, Jacob adopted his two grandsons to be his own sons, designating each of them as a tribal head, instead of their father, Joseph.
When Joseph presented his sons to his father, he placed Ephraim, the the younger boy, to stand at Israel’s left, and Manasseh, the older, to stand at Israel’s right, and he set his father’s hands upon the boys’ heads. It was fitting with tradition that the firstborn be given the first, higher blessing. But Jacob switched his hands, crossed them to rest his right hand on Ephraim’s head and his left hand on Manasseh’s.
Joseph corrected his father, telling him that Manasseh was the first born. “His father demurred, saying, “I know, my son, I know. He too will become a nation, and he too will rise to greatness. But his younger brother will surpass him, and the renown of his descendant will spread and fill all the world’s nations.”
And there was not a peep out of either youth. No, “It’s not fair!” from Manasseh. They intrinsically understood the different roles that each of them was to play in the destiny of the Jewish people. There was no sense of jealousy, no conflict or competition between them.
Why? What was different for them? And what’s the big deal about being the firstborn and receiving that blessing?
Being firstborn was about more than status. It was about inheritance. When a father’s holdings were divided among his sons, the firstborn received a double share. With more to work with at the get-go, the firstborn was more likely to become a financially successful man than his brothers were.
Then there’s the matter of the covenant. That also should by rights go to the firstborn. But the promise that God made to Abraham was ultimately to be passed to his second son, to Isaac. It took some doing, but the covenant was then passed to Isaac’s second son, Jacob.
For the sons of Jacob, it was another story. While the issue of financial benefit of being firstborn was still there, the issue of receiving the covenant wasn’t. Each of them was to be the head of one of the twelve tribes. The covenant passed to all of them.
But here’s the thing: More than the struggle for power was the struggle for love. Each of these fathers, our patriarchs, had a favorite among their children and made no effort to hide it. And more than anything, what children need in order to grow up sound and secure is to know that they’re loved. They should never have to compete for their parents’ love.
The majority of Jacob’s grandsons grew up in the midst of that environment of sibling strife . But Joseph’s sons were in Egypt, living among pagans, isolated from all of that. All they had was each other. No uncles. No cousins. No drama. They knew nothing of the competition and deceitfulness. Joseph had been removed from his brothers when he was still a youth. His boys grew up in an insular environment with a politically powerful father, and they were exposed only to the lessons and values taught to them by their parents. Their parents loved them equally and they flourished. They had nothing to compete over. They had every advantage that their father’s position afforded them and had nothing to struggle for. They valued each other and their relationship more than they valued power and wealth.
And so Jacob told the brothers, “With your names will the Israelites invoke God’s blessings on their sons, saying to them, ‘May God make you like Ephraim and Manasseh…”
Israel blessed all his sons, including Ephraim and Manasseh, with the blessing of “Hamalach HaGoel.”
And so it is to this day that on Friday nights we say to our sons:
“May the angel who redeemed me from all harm bless the youths, and may they be called by my name and the name of my fathers, Abraham and Isaac, and may they multiply abundantly like fish, in the midst of the land.”
May all of our sons grow to be men who are motivated by love, men who are seekers of peace.
Criss-Cross
Our traditions are vitally important. I say vitally because our continued existence as a community, our vitality, relies upon them. They define us. They tie us to each other. They tie us to our past, to our ancestors, and they tie us to our future, to those who will refer to us their ancestors.
But traditions should never be prisons. There are times when traditions should be set aside for a special circumstance, and times when certain traditions should be released to remain in the past. A stagnant tradition, one that can’t evolve, is one that’s doomed to fade into history.
In the patriarchal society from which Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob emerged, it was always the eldest son who received the greater portion of the inheritance and would become the next patriarch of the family. From what I’ve read, there were other societies, matriarchal societies, in which the honors passed to the second child. We don’t know if it was Sarah’s influence that caused Abraham to elevate Isaac over Ishmael, or his own intuition. Rebecca tricked Isaac into elevating Jacob over Esau, but I’m not convinced that Isaac wasn’t aware of the switch. But Jacob clearly knew exactly what he was doing when he criss-crossed his hands to give the greater blessing to Joseph’s second son.
We should cling to our traditions but keep our minds flexible, not let them become rigid. Our traditions must evolve if they are meant to remain relevant.
So, what shall we eat?
Criss-cross. Let’s mix it up a bit. We almost always start with soup. For Parasha Vayechi, let’s finish the meal with soup. This soup is dessert. Coconut Mango Soup with Lychee, Pineapple, and Avocado is sweet and fragrant, a beautiful blend of tropical fruits that can be served warm and comforting or cold and refreshing.
If we’re finishing our meal with soup, we should begin it with pie. My Tomato Hazelnut Pie is one of my favorite dishes and was a best-seller for my catering company on Long Island.
For the entrée—even when you criss-cross the start with the finish, the middle remains the middle—I’ll whip up another crowd-pleaser, my mushroom nut loaf. It looks like a meatloaf but is more flavorful, with lots of caramelized onions and an array of assorted mushrooms. Everyone, even the meat-lovers, went back for seconds when I served this vegetarian dish. This includes the two-year-old, who chose the two-fisted method of consumption; the rest of us chose to use a fork.
With the addition of some colorful vegetable sides, we have a perfectly balanced meal.