vayeshev
parasha vayeshev Genesis chapters 37—40
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…and thoughts
Vayeshev
and he settled down
Civilizations rise and crumble. Political lines on the map change, then change again.
Scientific discoveries are uncovered, and our understanding of our universe deepens and expands.
Technology advances. Styles and cultures change.
But since the dawn of the agricultural revolution and perhaps even before, from generation to generation, throughout the long millennia, human nature and the human heart remain the same.
We first get to know Joseph when he’s seventeen. He’s the eleventh son of a wealthy man, and as such he would have been a person of little consequence in the ancient world. But Joseph is his father’s favorite child, the beloved son of his beloved, late second wife. And so he’s pampered and pompous, over-indulged and arrogant, and lacking a mother’s hand to steady him, he’s what you might call a brat.
It’s not hard to see why his older brothers resent him and even hate him.
And yet, he becomes a great leader—powerful, wise, and respected by all, including, eventually, his brothers.
Let’s compare him to Reuben. Reuben is the first born son of Israel, supposedly destined to be the next leader of his prominent family. He has a kind and thoughtful nature, attributes that should have aided his ascension to his expected role. But Reuben goes nowhere, and when his father is on his deathbed, Reuben is ultimately passed over.
Is this proof that life is random? That life isn’t fair? While it may in fact be true that life isn’t fair, that’s not the key to understanding what happened here.
The fault lies with Jacob, who dotes upon those he loves and is cold, even cruel, to those he does not.
Joseph’s less than admirable traits are what, when he outgrows his immaturity, ultimately shape his illustrious future. Joseph has confidence. He believes in himself, in his intelligence and his capability. Reuben is uncertain about his own worth. He expects to be rejected, dismissed, and disrespected.
Reuben does come up with some noble ideas, the most significant being the idea to rescue Joseph from the brothers’ plot to bring about his death. But rather than taking immediate action and risking the disapproval of his younger brothers, he devises a plan to rescue Joseph surreptitiously when the others are distracted. He’s afraid of confrontation and avoids it at all costs. And because he hesitates and waits, Joseph is sold into slavery before Reuben can carry out his great mission. What caused his insecurity, his hesitation to act?
Jacob doesn’t love Leah. No matter how hard she tries, she cannot win his affection. I suspect that, although he prides himself upon “having sons,” he’s not terribly enamored of them as individuals and they suffer for it. As a child, Reuben knew that his mother was unloved. He saw the attention lavished upon his Aunt Rachel and her son, and he knew his father didn’t love him that way.
At least twice before the incident with Joseph, he tried to intervene in his parents’ private life. The first time it was by bringing his mother some powerful mandrakes, hoping their magic would help her to win his father’s heart. That went poorly and resulted in a serious knock-down blow-out fight between his mother and his aunt. Years later when his Aunt Rachel died, he was filled with hope that perhaps now his father would love his mother. But Jacob brought his bed, not to Leah’s tent, but to the tent of Rachel’s handmaid, Bilhah. The text isn’t clear on whether Reuben actually slept with her, a woman old enough to be his mother. Regardless, it was a political move, not one of lust or romance.
But whatever was or wasn’t stuck where, it’s clear that Reuben stuck his nose where it didn’t belong when he took it upon himself to move his father’s bed from Bilhah’s tent to his mother’s tent. Jacob was furious and Leah, I’m sure, was embarrassed. No one asked or considered what Reuben’s motives might have been or noticed that, whether his actions were right or wrong, that the boy’s heart was in the right place. Instead he incurred his father’s wrath, which for the rest of his life was never appeased.
The funny thing about the child-mind is that it believes what it’s told. And that includes non-verbal cues. Tell a child who they are, and that’s most likely, without years of therapy, who they’ll become.
Nothing has changed in four thousand years. Children need their parents to tell them that they’re good, they’re worthy, that they’re important, that they’re loved. Children thrive on love and on the knowledge that they’re safe. No child has ever been “spoiled” by being loved too much. They don’t need to be given unrealistic expectations. Chances are good that your child isn’t the most beautiful or the greatest singer or dancer or artist that’s ever lived, and no good comes of telling them otherwise. But there’s always something positive you can say. Like, “You have beautiful eyes,” or “I like the way you used color here…” that sort of thing.
I don’t advocate over-indulging a child, but every child deserves to be seen and to be heard, to be encouraged, to be commended for what they are and what they do, and to be corrected with kindness and respect when that’s the required response.
So says a mother of grown children, a mother who got some things wrong and some things right.
So, what shall we eat?
When a six-year-old boy says, “Grandma, will you teach me how to make matzo balls? I really like matzo balls!” what could you possibly make for dinner but matzo balls? This week, I’ll be empowering a child by letting him set the menu and help with the cooking. Of course, he is undoubtedly the smartest, funniest, sweetest, most gorgeous, most fabulous child ever…just like his brother and his sister…
After matzo ball soup, we’ll be having those “meat things with the brown cheese sauce and the little red berries.” (He’s vegetarian—the “meat things” are made from Impossible Beef.)
Boiled potatoes are de rigeur with that dish and they’re super easy to do. Peel your potatoes and put them in a pot with one cut up onion (for flavor). Add cold water to cover, add salt, and boil until tender but still firm. (You want to salt the water so that the potatoes are salted through on the inside, not just salted on the surface.) Drain the potatoes, discard the onion, and dress the potatoes with melted butter and chopped parsley.
Creamed cabbage is very often served with Kjøttkaker, and I’ve been given permission to make some of that as well. It’s a simple dish, yet really tasty and comforting.
I’m not much for boxed cakes, but there are exceptions. Ghirardelli brownie mix is all natural with no creepy ingredients, is kosher, is really really fast and easy, and is really really good. So why not? We’ll make coconut brownies so that we can say we put our own touch to them. To do so, simply replace the oil in the recipe with coconut oil and sprinkle the top of the batter with shredded coconut. The coconut toasts while the brownies bake. I also add a teaspoon of instant espresso powder with the mix. You won’t taste coffee but you’ll be aware of a slightly more complex flavor in the finished product. The coffee also serves to balance the sugar. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and you’ve got yourself some serious yum!
Oh. I almost forgot. The young chef insists that there must be a bowl of those little salty, wrinkly oil cured olives alongside the challah.